Herb Neufeld and The Mystery of the Müllers

 

 

 

 

                             by

                        Ulla Thomsen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Frank Réage

8½ Hawthorne Road

London N8.7NA

(081)341 4237

 

 

 

 

FX: Bubbling water, birds in the sky, laughing people: nearer we hear the sound of someone drinking a beer:

 

Herb V/O: Weary, weary, me.  Here I am sitting on the bank [FX]     of the bubbling river Neckar and watching the world go bye.  Girls walk bye.  Well they do, don't they, after all, they're everwhere.. and the traffic           dribbles along on the newish road on the newish      side of Heidelberg.  Actually we Heidelbergers find those modern upstarts who on this side of the river awfully stuffy, though they think they're not only           chic, but also smart.  Well, for a town that's only a hundred years old, compared to real Heidelberg, which as you know is slighter younger than the hills, that's a bit strong, don't you think?  Where           was I. Ah yes!  Here I am sitting in the sun and     not thinking about very much and feeling the sun on my back, while a delicious drop of ice-cold beer tickles my tastebuds. There are, as you know, the usual crowds of people, the group of students learning how to juggle and ride unicycles, and the girl with a big dog getting chatted up by-Antje: Hello, Herb Neufeld.

Dog:      Grr, Grrr

Herb:     Does he bite?

Antje:    Only if you aren't nice to his mistress, Antje

Herb:     Oh, hello there..Antje, my, what beautiful...

Dog:      Grr Grr

Antje:    He doesn't like you.. what a shame

Herb:     Oh well..

Antje:    Bye then..

Herb:     Blasted hound!

Herb V/O: Well, that was a close one! How do think she knew    my name..? Well, well...  Hullo, what's       happening over there with the guy on the uni-cycle: he's put an extension on the seat making the cycle           amazingly high...  and everyone's clapping and laughing [FX]..... now he's juggling.. now one of the girls is climbing up on the cycle.. crazy.. and now.. whoops!  They fell over.!.  well, life is           full of ups and downs.. now who is this who's making a beeline for me...

Fiorella: Herbert Neufeld, I've been looking for you everywhere!

Herb:     Fiorella! You might be my partner in our enterprise.. but that doesn't give you ...

Fiorella: I'm not bothering you in  your lunch hour Neufeld!   this is business, remember? Something you haven't been very successful in recently!

Herb:     Enough of the invective Fiorella.. give me the facts.. and tell me the rates!

 

Fade to: Herbs office-

Müller:   They stole the lot, Herr Neufeld, the whole lot,     and you can imagine that I was horrified..

Herb:     Tell me the situation, Herr Müller; let's get the    situation clear first:

Müller:   The first thing I knew was last tuesday.. when I     got up in the morning everything was O.K.  Then I left my house.. but when I got back in the afternoon the house had been ransacked and I was  broke.. destroyed..

Herb:     Have you informed the police?

Müller:   I can't, Herr Neufeld- that's the problem... some    of what my brother has been up to is not.. completely legal.. you know?

Herb:     Well, I can imagine, Herr Müller, but I can't undertake anything that's illegal.. you must understand that I can't operate outside the law whether or not I actually like it..

Müller:   No, No.. don't worry about legaality.. let me tell   you.. when i say stolen I mean that the items which were taken were precious things... family heirlooms actually.. things that I and my family have           treasured for aas long as we have existed... we're   a proud family, and the Horn of the Müllers is not merely a symbol to us, more a...

Herb:     The horn of the Müllers?  What's this then..

Fiorella: Would you like a drink, Herr Müller..

Herb;     Shush a minute, Fiorella...

Müller:   Well, it's rather like the book of the Müllers...

Fiorella: A coffee, perhaps?

Müller:   I've got something in my car to show you.. I'll be   back in a moment-

FX: Leaves

 

Fiorella: I was trying to get your attention, Neufeld..

Herb;     Eh?

Fiorella: Havn't you heard about the Müllers?

Herb:     What?

Fiorella: The Müllers..  they've been in the newspapers a lot since.. but of course you've spent most of your summer so far on the banks of the Neckar so you     haven't had much time to read!

Herb:     Keep to the subject, Fiorella,,

Fiorella: According to what I've read and heard, The Müllers   are a lost family... apparently they were a sort  of Rhineland clan who had a huge castle in the mountains .. anyway, about two hundred years ago     they legitimised themselves and  the  outcome of that was the foundation of  a sort of Dynasty called, not unnaturally, the Müllers..

Herb:     Well, Müller is a fairly common name around hereabouts, isn't it..

Fiorella: Don't joke, Neufeld.. these people are seriously     rich.. and we could use the cash..

Herb:     Where have I heard that song before?.. yes.. continue..

Fiorella: I read last week that all the heirlooms of the Müllers were  being gradually stolen.. but no-body knew by whom, or even why, though you could say     that that must be logical ...

 

FX: Müller re-enters

Müller:   Here we are.. let me show you now.. [unfolds papers]

Herb:     You are the leader of the Müllers, then..

Müller:   I see you've heard about us..

Herb:     Naturally!

Müller:   How gratifying!

Fiorella: Herr Neufeld is a remarkable man, Herr Müller!

Müller:   As you'll know, Herr Neufeld, the mystery of the     Müllers, as we always put it, is that they are such a long-lived line..

Herb:     Oh Yes..

Müller:   And a very successful line..

Fiorella: Of course!

Müller:   But the unusual thing you might say about the Müllers is that all their basic beliefs stem from a series of God-sent mystical objects which is what we call the Müller significations..

Herb:     Very impressive..

Müller:   And these significations are the central doctrinal   points of our line..

Fiorella: Bit like religion..

Müller:   Well, you could call it that..

Herb:     Please continue

Müller:   Vested in certain basic symbols.. of no monetary           significance at all, but sacred to the central Müller belief..

Fiorella: Well!

Herb:     Tell me what's been happening..

Müller:   Someone, or some organisation has been stealing the Müller significations- the problem is that they are of no actual value at all.. in the last few days for example the Horn of the Great Müller was taken           from its container..

Herb:     It was locked..

Müller:   Well of course... time locked, padlocked

Fiorella: Landlocked

Herb:     Be serious a moment Fiorella

Müller:   In its casket, complete with fire-alarm and transponder in case it falls into the ocean..

Herb:     The ocean?

Müller:   Well, of course, it's taken all over the world so    that other Müllers can touch it, as we are a far flung clan.. and you never know.. it could just be lost temporarily in an air accident!

Herb:     Ah! The luck of the Müllers!

Fiorella: Was the radio-thing on?

Müller:   It had been turned off just for a day or so while    the nuclear battery was being replaced..

Herb:     Ah!

Fiorella: Nuclear.. was it on a long sort of stick like on     space ships..

Müller:   No, no, in fact beacuse of the marvels of modern     science, it was suspended a few centimetres below the Müller grail, just under the casket itself, encased in hi-tech ceramic material, almost totally           impervious to radiation..

Herb:     So there is a little radiation emission..

Müller:   Only slightly more than an old-fashioned watch..

Herb:     Anyway, all that is is mere speculation now, isn't   it..

Fiorella: Yes

Müller:   I'm afraid so!

Fiorella: Oh, Dear.. I'd better make us all a strong black     coffee..

Müller:   Charming woman, your wife

Herb:     My wife, my wife!  No, she's the partner..

Müller:   You look as if you should be married

Herb:     Tell that to the trees..

Müller:   I know the feeling- after the theft of the Horn of   the Müllers, the theft of the Book of the Müllers, the Scroll of the Müllers and the casket which contained the big toe of the First Big Müller in a           gold and ruby studded case  ... actually we call     him the Greater Horny Müller..

Herb:     Ah, very interesting.. the greater Horny M...

Müller:   An ancient phrase, beloved by generations of Müllers through a thousand years

Herb:     Unlikely thing to steal.. an antique big toe..

Müller:   Horrifying, isn't it- [shivers]

Herb:     That's where the investigation starts I think..

Müller:   With the big toe..?

Herb:     No, with the gold container..

Fiorella [off]:  Sugar?

 

FX: Papers turning, we are in a reference library, they whisper hoarsely:

Herb:     Amazing!  The literature is enormous...

Fiorella: Put that book of life drawings down and come over    here..

Herb:     Amazing

Fiorella: Concentrate the remains of your mind, Herb

Herb:     Carry on..

Fiorella: There are all sorts of accounts of the Müllers back through the last hundred years.. look at the literature.... gosh!

Herb:     I said that already..

Fiorella: Yes, but you were talking about the female form..

Herb:     So I was..!

Fiorella: The Müllers, you fool... look, sice 1829 the development has been amazing.. 1829 the Müller foundation... 1857 the Müller International Museum, Los Angeles Branch... 1890 Müller Breweries           Milwaukee, 1899 the Müller Great Exhibition, 1901    the Great Fire of the Müllers which destroyed the Müller Glass Menagerie..The Müller Hightower, the highest building on earth, 1902.... 1983 The Müller           Trustee Foundation Incorporated Bank of Banks, Hawaii, Los Angeles, Houston.. Walthamstow..

Herb:     Explain me a thing or two Fiorella... the significations for example.. my brain doesn't believe what I'm telling it... sorry ... and then..    where's Walthamstow

Fiorella: This started when the great Müller wrote the Great   Book of the Müllers in 1068, said to be a reaction against the Norman Invasion of England..

Herb:     Oh, so he was on their side..

Fiorella: Oh no!  In fact it seems to have been in a fit of    pique, because Müller had roared down to Calais to start the very first channel packet service, and when the Normans invaded England he of course had           lost vthe commercial race.. something about a theme park here, but maybe that's a medieaval obscenity I'm not clear about... anyway ..cost him lots of      marks, I expect...

Herb:     How interesting..

Fiorella: only if you're interested in commercial history..    anyway apparently the docoments were discovered in a monastery in the Dolomites  by a Prior who was Scottish and who was investigating a series of           mysterious murders in the thirteenth century...      somehow got stolen by an Italian Professor and appeared as a series of medieaval wall scrawls.. which were of course supressed;then they were somehow taken to Edinburgh..probably by the Prior, perhaps discovering their commercial          significance... who knows!

Herb:     How did you get to see them..

Fiorella: Well, simple, they mysteriously arrived  here, at    Heidelberg public libraries in 1886.. that's how I                        got to see them... amazing, isn't it?, anyway                             apparently they were used to pack a Haggis being                          sent by mail... the Haggis had not survived the                        journey... did you know that Haggis stains are                            purple? Amazing coincidence, don't you think?

Herb:     Truly collosal.. as for Haggis stains, well, I had   No idea.. write it down somewhere.. come to think of it .. what is a Haggis, anyway?

Fiorella: A sort of a.. well it looks like this...now., where was I?

Man:      Schhh..

Fiorella: Look, this is important!

Man:      And this is a library.. I'll call the police..

Voice [Habicht]:  I am the police... who is causing this affray

Fiorella: It's not an affray yet, but it's just about to become one!

Habicht:  Oh no! It's not you!

Herb:     Oh no! It's not Franz Habicht!

Fiorella: Helpful Lieutenant Habicht

Habicht:  Ssschh! Keep your voices down!

Library:  Schhh!

Fiorella: Don't shout so loud Dr Lieutenant Habicht!

Habicht:  I'll thank you not to use my titles here..or..

Fiorella: Why, will you give me a  parking ticket?

Library:  Schhhh!

Herb:     As the only sane person here I suggest we leave and agree to disagree

 

Fade to: FX Later:

Habicht:  ... I still say ..it wasn't fair of you to use my    title like that!

Fiorella: You stopped me in mid flow.. what do you expect..

Herb:     We have more important things to discuss you know..

Habicht:  What was this about the printout..

Herb:     Careful.. !

Fiorella: Can't tell you.. it was illegal!

Habicht:  Oh, now be reasonable.. after all you know I hate    secrets... look tell me.. go on..

Fiorella: No!

Habicht:  Don't be stupid.. I might be on the traffic desk     amongst all the meter-maids, but that hasn't stopped my detective instinct -

Herb:     Lets give him a chance, Fiorella!

Fiorella: Just a chance then, Franz..

Herb:     Well.. may be then.. it's like this Franz.. but      remember that at the moment it's strictly unofficial.. not to be made public.. O.K.?  ...the printout [FX]... as you see the list using our various parameters has narrowed to this bizarre            point:

Fiorella: Namely; one strange gent with the name of Müller     who is apparently the chief of an ancient clan ....

Habicht:  Cream coloured Mercedes.. isn't it.. ?

Herb:     How'd you know..

Habicht:  Caught him in the UnterwasserGasse on a Resident     Only spot last week.. one hell of a hue and cry..

Herb:     He was visiting me, In should think..

Habicht:  I should coco..

Fiorella: Well it was his duty, wasn't it Herb?

Habicht:  That's enough of that.. !

Herb:     Come to think of it you must have a long list of     the Müllers' things..

Habicht:  I can categorically swear that not a single Müller   Automobile has been stolen..

Herb:     What's more important is the bizarre list of things..

 

FX: Doorbell/chime

Fiorella: I'll get that

Herb:     ..here it is.. the list of things stolen from the    Müllers in the last couple of years..

FX:

Habicht:  Umm

Herb:     Who was that, Fiorella?

Fiorella: It's a box for you, Herb

Herb:     Great.. just what I wanted..

Habicht:  Must be from Mannheim.. we haven't got to the stage of collecting parking tickets and putting them in boxes before sending them off.. yet ..

Herb:     Lot more useful than a parking ticket..       

Habicht:  Lets have a look!

Herb:     Ahh! Ahh!

Fiorella: What's this..

Herb:     Oh, well, if you must know... it's a Geiger Counter..

Habicht:  From the Institute at the University?

Herb:     Well of course!

Fiorella: I was dreading the bill.. that was all..

Habicht: While you're talking about bills... this is one hell of a bizarre list... [reads] The Great Horn of the Müllers... that was only recent... then the  Great Sign of The Müllers ...says here it was a big toe       in a golden casket surrounded by... and.. oh no..    ..nuclear what?  Do they have a permit..? so that's why you need that thing..

Herb:     You shouldn't be scared to ask, Franz.. that is      unless you're giving out irradiated parking             tickets!

Fiorella: And the other Müller antiques.. the significations..

Habicht:  All of no monetary significance..well..

Herb:     Not significance - value

Habicht:  Value!

Herb:     Müller, the big boss isn't exactly starving, is he?

Habicht: But these things aren't worth a pfennig!

Herb:     Is the pope a jew?

Fiorella: Don't be vulgar, Herb..

Habicht:  What does that mean.. is the pope a Jew?

Herb:     Well, they must have value.. or why would they have guards.. caskets.. safes.. you know.. anyway, it sounded good, that was all!

Fiorella: I think what he's  crawling towards, to coin a phrase, is that the Müller things are significant,                             valuable , to them.. I mean is the bible of                               monetary value.. ?

Habicht:  Out of copyright.. nothing to do  with me!

Herb:     Ah!

Habicht:  Ah, what?

Herb:     I wonder whether the  fact that they have no money   value is significant...

          Fiorella:             Eh?

Habicht:  Don't be silly...What?

Herb:     I mean.. it's hard to prove a crime without actual   damage.. I mean they have to be worth something..!     don't they..?

Habicht:  I think I'll go back to traffic problems..!

Fiorella: Oh, Great, Franz... we extend to you the hand of           friendship...

Herb:     And opportunity.. success even..!

Fiorella: .... and you fill it up with parking tickets!

Herb:     And to think that this was your big break!

Habicht:  What do you mean, my big break! Balderdash, or the   German equivalent!

Herb:     Well, another day another parking fine, as I am      fond  of saying....

Habicht:  Just what are you implying.. ?

Herb:     Absolutely zilch ...

Habicht:  Zilch..! - you're implying that this is the way out of the traffic office, back on the detective desk,   aren't you!

Herb:     Detectives don't have desks ..I mean it's all more   purposive than that ...isn't it..?

Habicht:  Speak for yourself ... dignity will out, you know    .. I mean that even you have a semblance of a desk somewhere in that garret you call an office..!

Herb:     We're getting sidetracked.. so I'll buy that ..!

Habicht:  Thank you Herr Neufeld... you're almost too kind ..

Herb:     Not at all, not at all..

Fiorella: we wouldn't dream of telling a detective such a      self evident fact..

Herb:     after all.. you have the equipment.. don't you?

Habicht: Herb, you're a little too bloody fond of saying      things.. I'm getting out of this ..now!

Herb:     What things.. no matter..Franz.. well...

Fiorella: Well... Bye then

Herb:     Yes, bye Lieutenant

 

FX: a long silence:

Habicht:  I've changed my mind!

Herb:     You what?

Habicht:  You heard me..

Herb:     Well, I thought so, anyway..!

Habicht:  Let me have a look at that list again..   

Herb:     I find these people bizarre, or is it that the whole thing is fascinating..

Habicht:  Just ditch the dirt.. that's all..!

Herb:     Gosh I'm getting confused .. about time I had a      drink [FX: clink,clink]    nk] ... ah, that's better..     now, where was I ?  Ah yes, a very confused

          scenario emerges .. you see, this wierd sect called the Müllers...

Habicht:  ..as in Herr and Frau Müllert and the 2.4 little     nuclear Müllers.. and now you're well equipped to detect any little nuclear irregularities, aren't         you!

Herb:     Well yes ... couldn't have put it better myself..

Habicht:  Well, stop looking at me with that vacant stare..

Herb:     It's not a vacant stare, I've just noticed what      beautiful eyes you've got..

Habicht:  Wow, you're so romantic, Neufeld..

Herb:     Where was I.. oh yes.. this sect is more like a      religion than anything else, and they have all the paraphernalia of this sort of thing, including the bank roll.. which sounds considerable..

Fiorella: Enormous.. I found, by doing a litlle illegal checking that their assets are in excess of 50 million marks.. and that they own 5 large gambling casino's spread evenly throughout Europe..

Herb:     Something I didn't know..! ..well you see, Franz..   these Müllers have somebody sniping their various ornaments off them, and they're getting the willies about it all.. after all, in time they'll loose the              lot.. I expect.,. !

Habicht:  Well, nothing is finite..!

Fiorella: Thats a very unpoliceman like thing to say

Herb:     You Betcha! 

Fiorella: But anyway we need the cash, after all while we're   around we aim to turn over a buck! .. and the Boss Müller is actually paying us.. paying us mind                you...

Habicht:  ..well that's something novel, anyway

Fiorella: Well, to cut a long story short, Franz-le baby..

Habicht:  Have some respect for my rank... after all..

Herb:     Anything.. but look this up in your records.. will   you..?

Habicht:  Absurd, how absurd..! Well..

Herb:     It's simple, we need... hey, where's that coffee..

Fiorella: He was saying we need 1> a list of all crimes recorded involving anything to do with Müller or Müller Significatioons, bits and bobs, etcetera, and 2> all the info you can get on any religious           nutters who steal icons and things and of course;

Habicht:  Of course, I-

Herb:     Well, naturally, of course-

Fiorella: .... and of course, a very basic note of anything    naughty that Müller type Müllers have done and-

Habicht:  Enough! .. I Shall look, and I shall sort out what   isn't relevant and you shall get anything legal!

Fiorella: Oh, you're so so kind...

 

Fade to: Café conversation

Crook:    Well, what do you expect: useless pieces of junk..

          I wouldn't be surprised at all if they're at the     bottom of the pond at the WasserTurm in Mannheim.. or for that matter, kicking up the roses at the      BundesGartenSchau....

Herb:     Not a bean.. not a sign anywhere around this area?

Crook:    Listen.. if anybody said anything you know there'd   be an echo and I'd hear it.. you know you can trust me, don't you !? Besides, it's all junk, isn't it?  What's that you got there.. radio or           somethin..?

Herb:     Old Radio....every time, every time... by the way    ...another two beers please miss.. when does your mum get out of prison ?

 

Fade to:B/G Scrapyard Working: Sound of Geiger counting, low count-

Crook 2:  Big junk?  Forget it!

 

Fade to: Total silence then: Geiger counter picking up-

Crook 3:  Jewellery.. yeah, we like jewellery .. but it's no   use to us with nuclear batteries.. know what I                           mean..?  Gonna shoot for the moon,or what?

          Gimme just gold anyday and I put it in the           melt..

 

Fade to: B/G Geiger counter ticking-

Fiorella: We've been at it for days, and not a sign.. there    must be something to give us some indication ... God! This weather is hot.. I'd rather be            sunbathing, frankly ....

Herb: [dials phone] Herr Müller? Just the man I wanted.. you 'phoned me earlier... no, not yet, but we have several feelers out and this sort of thing is rarely fast.. a couple of contacts? Sure, if you     give me the names etc I'll get on to the.. right..

[to Fiorella:] here's your chance FiFi... bare your boobs and get out to this health club.. apparently the girl here is some sort of underworld contact of Müuller's brother, Thomas.. and I'll take the other     one, after all, I need a drink... !

 

Fade to: Bar FX:

Herb:     ...so I arrived there and the damn safe was open..   well you know about this sort of thing..

Bart:     ..I'm good with locks of all kinds, you told me      yourself that you heard of me through the eh.. grapevine ...what was it anyway?

Herb:     Do you want to see the lock?

Bart:     I see you have the type written there.. ah yes an    Alderton 21/45/91 .. ah yes.. common enough security with multiple bolt release mechanism

Herb:     What do you think?

Bart:     Frankly, it's a piece of cake. Looks complicated     though!

Herb:     So what would you suggest if I told you that something went missing out of one of these with a   time release on it..

Bart:     I'd say someone had the timer worked out... that     would be the tricky part!

 

Fade to: Geiger counter ticking away-

Herb V/O: So far, so inconclusive.  On the way back from Koblenz I dropped into the open air pool at Bad Dürkheim.  It was a scorching hot day and I lay down by the pool and let the sun tan the bits that   hadn't seen it for months.... my reverie was disturbed by others bodies which looked a lot leaner than mine.. oh, for the mind of a sensuous     woman to knock spots off mine.. ah ha.. but who should I espy tanning her bumps but that luscious friend of Fiorella's.. ehm.. Linda

Herb:     Hullo

Linda:    Oh it's you !

Herb:     Nice to see you

Linda:    Is it !

Herb:     Well I...

Linda:    Bye, then..

Herb V/O: Some people go out of their way to show you their    behinds, don't they..!

 

FX: Laughter, Geiger counter in B/G Starts to pick up-

Norma:    Hi!

Herb:     Oh, Hi!

Norma:    I know you, don't I?

Herb:     Who cares... Herb !

Norma:    Norma, Hi

Herb:     How come I didn't see you here before ?

Norma:    Can't imagine - I'm here every day, just about !

Herb:     Too true- can't imagine myself..

Norma:    Is it?

Herb:     Interesting...

Norma:    Not really

Herb:     Why?

Norma:    I've been sent to watch you!

Herb:     You what!

Norma:    Me what, also

Herb:     Seriously?

Norma:    Awfully seriously.. look.. heres my notepad ..

Herb:     Gosh! I keep meaning to get one of those!

Norma:    Listen what you've been doing today... left Heidelberg on A61, drove Mutterstadt... coffee, bought bottle of wine, back on A61, Kaiserslautern, breakfast, A6 to Koblenz, lunch, drinks.... well I won't bore you...

Herb:     What nice writing you've got...such a perfectly      formed hand..!...

Norma:    You haven't asked me who pays me...?

Herb:     Well, it isn't the cops..

Norma:    Dead on

Herb:     It could only be old Mr Müller himself!

Norma:    Jolly good! But Dead off, actually -

Herb:     Right, then..

Norma:    No, wrong.. !

Herb:     Wrong?

Norma:    The BundesNuclear Inspectorate

Herb:     Jeez-us!

Norma:    I'm an inspector... and I've passed you as clean,    you lucky gumshoe!

Herb:     This is all rather much, on a boiling afternoon..    I'm going for a swim..

 

FX: Geiger counter rises to a crescendo and then suddenly stops-

Herb V/O: When I returned from my swim the apparition, Norma   was gone... well what can you expect of spooks.. !  When I got back to the Mannheim area I called-in on Big Boss Müller: well, what would you do then..?

 

FX: Lift Doors whisper open: Geiger counter starts to pick up-

Herb:     ...hullo, Herr Müller... how are you?

Müller:   Drink, Neufeld.. ?

Herb:     So long it's cool

Müller:   Oh, it's cool alright.. but I hear through channels that you're no-where near the resolution of this puzzle.. frankly, that could be expensive ..!

Herb:     I told you to begin with that this would be a slow           process.... but one valuable piece of information    Herr Müller - change the lock on the safe door from an Alderton to a more secure type.. it's a pushover Muller:             Really?

Herb:     Really. Strictly infra-dig, that information.. not   public, you understand!

Müller:   Anything else?

Herb:     Yes.. what can you tell me about the access to your time clock.. apparently that is the strong point.. you must know someone who has got the combinations from you... I don't want to be akward .. but do you       have a mistress.. or something along those lines..   you know, for example with a secretary, assistant etc you can let information slip without even           realising it......?

Müller:   ..I must think about this.. my secretary is not      here today.. and I haven't told her about our relationship... maybe you can come along tomorrow and scout her out.. pretend you're on business or           something.. you know?

Herb:     I'll call in in the late morning.. maybe chat with   her a bit on the unofficial side of things..

 

FX: Lift doors whisper closed: Fade Geiger Counter sounds to silence and cut to:

 

FX: Streetsounds: Next morning

Herb:     Another coffee please..

Waitress: How many is that?

Herb:     I've lost count..

Waitress: No you haven't Herbie, you've lost your memory..

Herb:     Play it cool with me or I'll do a runner..

Waitress: Come to think of it that would be about 25% of our   custom running down the street .. to the next café

Herb:     Are you going to serve me, or am I going to do some work?

 

FX:He walks/enters Müllers office building: Geiger counter sound-

Doorman:  Yes?

Herb:     Don't be so suspicious, it doesn't suit you

Doorman:  I recognise you from somewhere?.. Suspicious..

Müller:   Ah! Herr Neufeld.. I was just going up to the office

Doorman:  Do you need help with this person, Herr Müller?

Müller:   Thank you no, Haymo

Doorman:  Right you are Herr Müller

Müller:   Haymo there does scrape so.. I find that all rather trying..

Herb:     So would I if he didn't view me with the deepest suspicion..

 

FX: Lift Doors: They enter: Geiger counter sound at high-

Müller:   could be your appearance, Herr Neufeld

Herb:     Yes, well I am sort of close-to-the-earth..

Müller:   Hum.. anyway, where was I..

Herb:     I was dropping in on you..

Müller:   So you were... !

 

FX: Lift Doors whisper open:

Herb:     I find this a very pleasant office

Müller:   Let m introduce you to Fraulein Wagner..  Fraulein   Wagner, where are you..

Norma:    Here Herr Müller.. [enters]

Herb:     Well, good morning!

Norma:    Good afternoon Herr..

Müller:   ..Neufeld.. an associate of mine.. you'll see him           occasionally, Fraulein Wagner

Norma:    So I will!

Herb:     Good afternoon Fraulein ..Wagner ...my, what a wonderful tan you've got ....

Norma:    It's wonderful weather we're having Herr.. Neufeld   .. but apparently they say it's going to rain         tomorrow..

Müller:   I have some things to do.. I'll talk to you later..

Herb:     Right!

 

FX: Door Closes:

Herb [hisses]: What the hell are you doing here! ... this is quite a shock..

Norma:    I noticed, you nearly dropped your metaphorical glass of beer..

Herb:     What's the game..? I really must see your bona- fides..!

Norma:    Look, we'll meet later.. alright..

Herb:     O.K. Then.. later

 

Fade to:

Müller:   ..... and finally I was surprised to see that you    had a long conversation with Fraulein Wagner ... you obviously have some gift which I have not been           apprised of..

Herb:     Well, one does need certain skills..

Müller:   But apparently not of the detective variety..

Herb:     Wait until tomorrow, Herr Müller, and you might      find yourself surprised....

Müller:   I hope so Herr Neufeld.. or I may have to give you one, rather final, one...!

 

FX: Geiger counter sounds suddenly stop.

Fade to:

Norma:    ....it's simple though you hardly knew it... you've been used as the patsy for the Müller crimes... we've been suspicious about them since we stole the radioactive casket and Müller didn't say a darn           thing.... the fact is that we think that the Müller           international foundation is a front for the... Mob.. in short... they've been using the various Müller organisations as fronts for their dealings,, and now the deal has got really big..

Herb:     Nuclear Big..!

Norma:    How did you know..?

Herb:     This thing I've got here, in my bag.. look

 

FX: Brings out Geiger Counter - counter starts crackling:

Herb:     Well, well, you must glow in the dark...

Norma:    No, it's the office radiation background..    

Herb:     What..? - you mean he's playing with isotopes..

Norma:    Carries them everywhere in that case.. bizarre special ceramic is almost radiation proof, and the customs know him so well they don't check the                   contents..

Herb:     So he trades in the stuff!

Norma:    Very expensive stuff it is!  Millions of dollars in one single shipment!

Herb:     Listen, before you blow him out... give me time to   collect my bill..

Norma:    I'll do better than that- I'll make you out a check, say it's about time he fired you and get him to sign it in the morning... then I'll wait until    you've collected the dough..

Herb:     You're a real pal, Norma

Norma:    You never know, do you Herbie, boy.... you never     know...!

 

FX: Geiger Sounds reach crescendo.