Herb Neufeld and the case of the Chinese Checker
0044 844 704 8170
FX: we are in a games/joke shop in Heidelberg
Herb V.O [whispers]: Under threat, my awful neice, Amarilla, has requested that I get her a game for her birthday.. so here I am in Kaufstrasse, fulfilling her every wish, gamewise...
Herb: Excuse me Fraulein
Annie [the assistant]: Oh, you're the one who's whispering! Yes, what do you want, I haven't got much time ..
Herb: Ermm.. I was thinking about buying a game
Annie: well, it's certainly good to hear that you're alive from the neck up! ... carry on then, there they all are over there, that at least is obvious ... even to a blind-
Herb: What're these here?
Annie: Oh, just other boring games
Herb: Boring games heh, just ... boring games ?
Annie: Let's talk about something more interesting, shall we, I find this sort of discussion completely unenlightening ...
Herb: Hows about the Pelopennesian Wars, for example?
Annie: Current affairs have always been my weakness
Herb: Dancing then ?
Annie: Ha.. Dancing!
Herb: Arabic Tribal dancing ?
Annie: ..anyway these games over here are blocking games, as you probably know, based upon the ancient Chinese, Norse, and Medieval Blocking Games..
Herb: Yes .. very interesting .. I'll take that one over there.. you know.. the checker game .. see it!
Annie: Yes, why!
Herb: I can't think.. ah yes.. my Niece's game..
Anie|: What's her name?
Herb: What's her name?
Annie: Yes, what's her name!
Herb: But what's this got to do with..
Annie: My name's Annie
Herb: Oh, really, Hullo .. where was I ...
Herb: Really? I mean ... no?
Annie: Really no, you mean!
Herb: Well,...... first could I consult my lawyer a moment please..?
Annie: Ah hah, got you there!
Herb: Where's the referee?!
Annie: You must be joking.?. you can't be serious!
Herb: Anyway... no you didn't
Annie: Yes I did!
Herb: No you didn't!
Annie: Oh,... what the hell!
Herb: Anyway, her name's Amarilla
Annie: Buon Giorno
Herb: Now, to get back to the game..
Annie: Ah, the game.. yes the game's the thing, the English always say
Herb: Well, well
Annie: You said something about a game ...
Herb: Ah Yes, my niece's game..
Annie [scrabbles around]: Look, take this one..
Herb: Why ?
Annie: That's not a question. More of an answer, really, on a philosophical level ...
Herb: Is it?
Annie: Got you there!
Herb: Just a moment ... you know, despite everything, I don't believe that this is a game I've ever played before
Annie: Just ask yourself... just what is the practical significance of a game.. the very Gestalt of the thing, the fine red line as they say between the software of the game and the I, the single most important fact in our personal, equivocal world..!
Herb: Yes.. I must see your reading list but anyway.. about this-
Annie: It's not as simple as that of course
Herb: No... no?
Annie: The software of the game is a living process.. a development into symbols of all our thouights and deepest fears.. a..
Herb [clears throat]: I-....
Annie: Well, you know, game shops and joke shops.. sometimes the two become interchangeable .. it's part of the dilemma of the modern woman, the problem of personality and the demands of society.. the perception of women as a permanently fecund, youthful, person.. the woman as whore, as mother.. the problems of physical and psychical aligmnment ....you see what I mean ...?
Herb: Yes.. yes .. quite...actually, I came in here to get my nasty niece a game..!
Annie: Ah, so it was
Herb: Well... I-
Annie: We don't sell firearms here!
Herb: Well, that's one thing clear, at least.. actually, I thought you sold games here..
Annie: Games.. games? ... What?
Herb: What about that one there, for example ..
Annie: It's very good!
Herb: And that one?
Annie: Chancey.. that's how I'd describe it..
Annie: Why, do you like your niece?
Herb: She's a monster..!
Herb: Ah hah!, what does that mean ..?
Annie: Give her that one then...!
Annie: We can't sell them.. they must be awful .. look, I'll reduce the price on two or more..
Herb: Well, now you're talking.. but anyway, they,re awfully cheap.. you'll be paying me to take them away next!
Annie: At last, we have communication!
Herb: Well, I'll take one then ..
Annie: Why not take two..? take two.. go on.. look-
Herb: Now you're pushing your luck!
Annie: Well, one's better than none.. after all now we've only got another 89 to go.. you've got to see this thing in perspective, after all ...
Herb: Umm ...do they always deliver such large amounts.. I mean 90 games seems an awful lot ...?
Annie: Not usually.. but this lot're a cut price bunch..
Herb: Reduce the price and I'll give it a thought..
Annie: 25% Discount then..
Herb: Well.... [thinks] I could give Habicht one for christmas, after all it's only 5 months away!
Annie: Why not take three; one for her, one for your other friend, and one in reserve for someone else you won't like next year.. !
Herb: Err... is it really, really boring ?
Annire: My God, it's a killer here sometimes.. some days I just have to evaluate my life, examine my nails, that sort of thing.. life can be so trying sometimes.. and sales are slow at the moment ...
Herb: No, I mean that game
Annie: Oh that, oh, deathly, deathly..
Herb: Well, three then ...
Annie: Good, well I'll find some newspaper to wrap them in so no-one will suspect that you've bought anything..
Herb: .... that's one way of looking at it!
Annie: I try to think of things in a structural way, you know ...
Herb [aside]: All the Philosophers live in Heidelberg dear readers- it's the Philosophical crossroads of the Galaxy!
Annie: What's that!
Herb: Oh, nothing, nothing
Annie: You said something !
Herb: No, No, hardly a word, actually, I mean sorry
Annie: Something nasty, I heard you ...
Herb: Me? Impossible ..!
Annie: Some garbage about philosophers
Herb: What ? ...No.. I was.. I was.. thinking about the ...Philosopher's Walk.. immortalised by ..
Annie: Listen, I've heard that line, get on to something more interesting ...
Herb: Ehmm.. have you walked there recently..?
Annie: Well, now you come to mention it..
Fade To: FX Philosopher's walk: